I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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