Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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