she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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