He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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