I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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