She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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