You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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