at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
