Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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