I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
