Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
