He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
