What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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