i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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