Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
