at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
