I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
