mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
