I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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