I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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