I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
