I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
