I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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