My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
