I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
