But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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