I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
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The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
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I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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