I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
