u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
