he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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