If i come over, it means nothing
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
