look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
