I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
