So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
