Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
