Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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