I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
