having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
last night I used snow as a chaser
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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