I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
