all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize