i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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