if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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