I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
