The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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