ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
