I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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