Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
it glows. i had to have it.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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