I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize