Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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