The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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