I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
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All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
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I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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