You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize