Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
