just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
