whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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