I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
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