U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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