she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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