When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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