he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
