Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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