did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
