I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
