so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Michael Bay diarrhea
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
